Does My Child Need to Know About Their Diagnosis of Autism or ADHD?

When you have a young child, it can be tempting to not share their diagnosis of autism or ADHD with them. But providing a name and explanation of their neurotype can be a significant and empowering step in a child’s personal development with many benefits. Some of the those benefits include:

• Understanding Differences: Children who are aware they are autistic or have ADHD can better understand why they might experience the world differently from their neurotypical peers. This understanding can help them navigate social situations and manage expectations in a way that’s comfortable for them, reducing confusion and frustration.

• Finding Community and Support: Knowing they are autistic/ADHD can help them connect with other individuals, support networks, and communities that understand their experiences.

• Reducing Negative Thoughts: By framing ADHD/autism as a part of who they are, rather than something negative or shameful, you help combat the negative stigma they may be experiencing. This approach encourages a positive view of neurodiversity and promotes acceptance.

• Providing Empowerment: Awareness of their ADHD/autism can empower children to seek out and use strategies that work for them. It can also encourage them to advocate for themselves, whether it's asking for accommodations at school or seeking help when needed.

• Normalizing Their Experience: Understanding that ADHD/autism is a type of neurotype, and they are not “broken,” can help children see that their difficulties are not due to personal failings or lack of effort.

At the same time, failing to inform and educate your child of their neurodivergence can result in even more difficulties. It can result in them struggling with: 

• Self-Blame: Without understanding their diagnosis, a child may internalize their challenges as personal failures and flaws, leading to low self-esteem and self-worth.

• Social Difficulties: Not knowing the root cause of their difficulties can lead to feelings of inadequacy and isolation.

• Mental Health: Constantly navigating the world without understanding their own neurotype can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and depression. 

• Misunderstood Needs: Unrecognized autistic/ADHD characteristics can lead to sensory or communication needs that are not met, which can hinder academic, relational, and personal growth.

So, how do you talk to your child about their neurodivergence?

1. Use outside resources to help you prepare. This resource from Mrs. Speechie P (https://www.mrsspeechiep.com/product-page/understanding-autism-together-caregiver-version) provides a good framework for your talk with your child, and even has sections that your child can read themself. 

2. Tell them as soon as you can. There’s no “right” time, but the sooner the better so they can understand themselves.

3. Celebrate their neurodivergence! Come from a place of joy about better understanding themselves and celebrating their uniqueness. Explain that everyone is unique in their own way and that autism/ADHD is just one of many ways people experience the world.

4. Emphasize the positive and their strengths. Talk about how their brain is different, and while that can bring challenges, it can also provide strengths. Put the focus on their strengths and discuss the pros, not just the cons, of autism/ADHD.

5. Be patient. Don’t expect to have one conversation and then be done. Keep the dialogue going.

6. Provide resources. Gradually, find books and other resources they can use to learn more about their neurotype. Therapy and special peer groups can also provide support.

Don’t let uncertainty or fear keep you from talking with your child. They are who they are, and providing them with a diagnosis will only serve to educate and help them. You will be giving them the gift of self-understanding, which will serve them well now and in the future.