More Than Just Words: Building Connection and Natural Communication

As a parent, watching your child develop language skills is both exciting and sometimes puzzling.  A common question that I hear in therapy is: “My child is labeling and requesting but not having connection and conversations with me - what do I do?”. This can be frustrating, but it’s also an opportunity to deepen your connection and enhance your child’s communication skills. 

When a child relies predominantly on these utterances, it may indicate a need for support in developing more varied, authentic, and meaningful communication skills. Whether your child is a gestalt language processor, has a motor speech disorder like childhood apraxia of speech (CAS), uses AAC, or has social communication/executive function difficulties, it’s important to help our children build a variety of communication utterances not only to get their wants and needs met, but also for them to express themselves authentically. 

Things to consider:

• Are they a gestalt language processor? Our neurodivergent children can be gestalt language processors where they learn language in chunks versus building through individual words. It’s important to know if the language they are receiving in therapy and in school is coming from an analytic model or gestalt language processing model. 

• Are there strengths and interests being honored? Our neurodivergent children can be told to stop their stims and reduce their special interests. But these are actually ways to build connections with our kids in order to increase more spontaneous language with us. 

• Are they being quizzed to answer questions rather than being asked to express their thoughts and feelings? Sometimes, adults and other kids may ask our neurodivergent kids more questions because they are not sure how to connect with them. 

• Are they in an environment that requires more compliance than connection? Some environments, like ABA centers and educational institutions, look for more compliance from children versus developing a connection that is child led. 

• Have they been exposed to varied types of utterances? Sometimes they just need more exposure whether they are a late talker, gestalt language processor, or a child with CAS.

Some specifics things we look for in social communication with our speech therapy clients are:

• Do they request objects?

  • Asking for things like “Can I have TV?”.

• Do they initiate play?

  • “Let’s play blocks.” 

• Do they ask for help?

  • “Help me open this.”

• Do they protest and refuse?

  • “I don’t want to!”

• Do they self advocate?

  • “I need some space.” 

• Do they ask questions for clarification or to better understand something?

  • “Where is it?”

• Do they comment?

  • “I did it!”

So, how can you encourage your child to have more connection and conversation with you?

1. Embrace Their Communication Style - Recognize and affirm your child's current language. Acknowledge that labeling and requesting are valid forms of communication.

2. Ask Less Questions  - Use more declarative language that narrates and describes (“I think that’s a sloth, I love it!”).

3. Discover Their Interests - Make up games that incorporate their interests and model language (comments, questions, requests, etc). 

4. Utilize Their Sensory Preferences - If they need proprioception, like big hugs, use that as an opportunity  to model self-advocacy phrases or gestalts (i.e. “I need a squeeze hug.”) or requests to initiate play phrases/gestalts (i.e. “Time for bear hugs!”).

5. Celebrate Every Communication Effort - Acknowledge and celebrate all forms of communication, whether it’s a label, request, or attempt at conversation.

6. For Gestalt Language Processors - Model gestalts within each of the above types.

7. For AAC Users - Program a variety of phrases and gestalts into folders from which they can advocate, comment, request, and initiate play. 

The more you tap into interests and model a variety of pragmatic language utterances, you will see connection and conversations begin to grow. 

Want to further develop your child’s communication skills? Give us a call at 469-771-1311 or fill out our contact form below for a free consultation.