REGULATE, CONNECT, SUPPORT, REPEAT

Learning a new skill is usually not as easy of a task as you’d think, especially for autistic and neurodivergent children. Before they’re ready for your support in learning, they need to have two other key needs met - regulation and connection.

Think of it like this. Your child has multiple candy bowls - a communication bowl, a cognition bowl, a regulation bowl, a connection bowl. If they are struggling with regulating their emotions, then all their candy will be in the regulation bowl. If they are struggling with not feeling connected, then all their candy will be in the connection bowl. And, that means there’s nothing available for the communication or cognition bowls. However, once the emotions are regulated and a solid feeling of connection is established, the communication bowl and cognition bowl can be put to use.

Regulate

A child cannot focus on anything else until their emotions and senses are regulated. Their brain simply cannot connect, communicate, or learn if all their energy is being poured into regulation. So, you have to help them.

• Find a good Occupational Therapist to determine what your child’s sensory needs are:

• Proprioceptive - likes deep pressure

• Vestibular - needs to swing and/or spin

• Tactile - likes to feel textures

• Oral - explores textures with their mouth/tongue

• Auditory - enjoys songs, intonation, melody

• Visual - enjoys looking at objects, movement, variety of textures/colors/shapes

• Sensory seeker - seeks more sensory input

• Sensory avoider - avoids more sensory input

• Both seeker and avoider - seeks some types of sensory input while needing to avoid others

• Connect with a sensory-training Speech Language Pathologist that will incorporate the child’s sensory needs into their speech and language therapy

• Find strategies to use when your child gets emotionally dysregulated

• Tight hugs when scared

• Deep breathing when upset

• Grounding exercise when anxious

• Practice co-regulating

Connect

A child also cannot focus if they lack the safety of connection. That means you have to build a trusting bond with your child. One of the best ways to do that is to meet them where they are at. As you share in their fun, you will see them open up and want to engage with you more. Take note of what sensory activities your child uses to regulate and join in:

• Proprioceptive

• Tight hugs = “I Got You” game

• Crashing = run and crash into you

• Running = play chase

• Vestibular

• Spinning = spin them around or play “Ring Around the Rosie”

• Hang upside down = pick them up and flip them upside down

• Tactile

• Use shaving cream, paint, or play dough to create different things together and

• Auditory

• Put their favorite phrases into the tune of a song

• Sing an interactive song, like “Wheels on the Bus,” and have them use your arms to do the motions

• Verbal stimming = imitate them and do it back and forth

• Oral

• Pop your lips together or pop your cheeks

• Introduce different textures/items that they can use to provide oral sensory input

• Visual

• Play “I Spy”

• Look at books together

• Take turns lining up toys

Support

Now that your child is regulated and feels connected to you, they are ready to receive your support in learning that new skill. Their brain is now able to function at that higher cognitive level required for learning. But don’t think you’re done with regulating and connecting. Everything you learned about their sensory and emotional needs, as well as their preferred activities, should be utilized in the teaching process.

So get comfortable with your new mantra: Regulate, Connect, Support, Repeat!