Social Communication Skills for Autistic and ADHD children

Neurodivergent kids, such as those with Autism or ADHD, often struggle with social communication. Fortunately, social communication skills can be targeted in speech therapy, but it’s important that it’s done in a neurodiversity-affirming way. 

What is neurodiversity-affirming social communication?

Neurodiversity-affirming social communication acknowledges and respects the varied ways individuals with different neurological profiles communicate and interact. It emphasizes acceptance, accommodation, and understanding, rather than attempting to force conformity to neurotypical norms.

The goal is to help the individual understand themselves, how they communicate and think,  how others may communicate and think, and how to use this understanding in different social situations. 

Traditional Social Skills vs Neurodiversity-Affirming Social Communication Skills

Many providers offer “social skills training,” but it may not be neurodiversity affirming. These traditional social skills therapies assume a one-size-fits-all approach based on neurotypical norms. However, this approach may not be effective for neurodivergent individuals, who often have diverse communication styles, sensory sensitivities, and social processing differences. Many of these traditional therapies view neurodivergent social communication as something that needs to be “fixed” and neurodivergent ways of communication as “wrong.”  

The goal of traditional social skills therapy is to make a child be more neurotypical. But, this can lead to increased anxiety, self-loathing, and burnout because it indicates a child’s natural form of communication is wrong and broken. 

Some common objectives of traditional social skills therapy, which are no longer acceptable or neurodiversity affirming, are:

• Maintaining eye contact 

• Reducing stimming behavior

• Eliminating echolalia

• Remaining seated and still when learning

In comparison, neurodiversity-affirming social communication skills training focuses on a strengths-based approach. This recognizes that neurodivergent individuals have unique strengths and abilities that can be leveraged to support social communication development. This method puts the primary focus on building a child’s strengths, and then addressing any challenges. 

Why is traditional social skills therapy harmful?

• Focus on Conformity - Many traditional social skills programs emphasize conformity to neurotypical social norms and expectations. This approach may pressure neurodivergent individuals to mask their true selves, leading to feelings of inadequacy or shame about their natural communication styles.

• Potential for Increased Anxiety/Depression - Traditional social skills therapy may heighten stress and anxiety levels. The expectation to excel socially can worsen anxiety or result in avoidance behaviors.

• Forcing Eye Contact  - Some autistic individuals have expressed that eye contact can be overstimulating and even painful for them. Forcing them to make eye contact is not only unfair to the neurodivergent person, but can also hinder them from listening and focusing on the other person.

• Stifling Stimming - Autistic people have mentioned how stimming can help them self-regulate. This means that any attempt to stifle stimming is harmful to their self-regulation. 

• Impact on Self-Esteem - Constant correction and emphasis in traditional social skills therapy can harm self-esteem and self-perception, potentially reinforcing feelings of inadequacy in social settings, thus impacting overall well-being.

How can I be neurodiversity-affirming to my child? 

• Educate Neurotypical Individuals - Social communication is a two-way street. Neurotypical individuals must learn how to adapt and understand different communication styles, instead of it being solely on the shoulders of the neurodivergent.

• Support Communication Differences - Teach neurodivergent kids about their own communication styles and the different communication styles of others. 

• Teach Perspective-Taking - Help neurodivergent kids understand their own, and others, perspectives and emotions through storytelling, role-playing, and discussing social scenarios in a supportive environment.

• Create Inclusive Environments - Accommodate your child’s unique sensory needs, such as wearing headphones in loud environments or taking breaks. Don’t force them to disregard their sensory needs in an attempt to appear more neurotypical. 

• Focus on Strengths - Empower neurodivergent individuals by highlighting their strengths to enhance confidence in social situations.

• Model Problem-Solving - Help neurodivergent kids learn problem-solving and decision-making skills. Model these skills in front of them, and then help them practice in social situations where they can openly communicate and express their needs.

• Promote Self-Advocacy - Empower neurodivergent individuals to communicate their own strengths, challenges, and preferences in social settings through self-advocacy skills. This will ultimately enhance their participation and confidence in social interactions.

• Respect Autonomy - Respect the autonomy of a neurodivergent child by involving them in goal setting, identifying practice areas, and evaluating progress in social communication skills therapy.

• Encourage Friendships - Help your child find friends that share similar interests in order to increase opportunities to foster more meaningful friendships. 

What if my child has social communication difficulties?

If you suspect your child has social communication difficulties, seek help from a neurodiversity-affirming speech-language pathologist who is trained in social communication disorders. Also, ask them about ways to practice these skills at home, outside of therapy sessions.